#cinematic

cercurile existenței mă strâng,
lațuri de sârmă ghimpată în jurul
șoldurilor ce tânjesc după atingeri străine,
datorii care se cer, se strigă
plătite mă-nconjoară într-un cerc
de degete, de mâini, de glasuri care vor,
care încearcă
să m-atingă, să mă pipăie, să mă aibă.

mă-nmoi în priviri flămânde, mă măsoară,
mă cântăresc încercând să mă știe.
ascund pe după ziduri cețoase
tot ce mi-a rămas de preț, depozitat
în firele de păr, în clipiri, în oase.

pe pielea mea se duce războiul
de cucerire și transformare a ei
din armură catifelată într-o pânză
numai bună de proiectat filmele
unor stăpâni instabili, de care nu mă leagă
decât obsesia apropierii de interzis, cafeaua
metabolizată-n conversații la trei dimineața

azi nu vreau să mă-ntrebi cine îți sunt,
întreabă oglinda dacă poți
să-mi fii tot ce visezi cu voce tare.
eu îmi sunt mie vânt și foc și apărare
vina
mărturisirii-mi întunecă azi
și cel mai aspru soare, nuanțe de ierbar
mă-ntorc
la fantoma urletelor unor lupi străini, captivi
într-o pustie fără margini sau drum
pe care să se-ntoarcă și se pierd
iar, și iar, și iar, acasă
devine o rană de neînchis, miros amar,
închipuire amenințătoare ca luna în ultimu-i pătrar.

#infatuată

eșarfa roșie mă privește complice
din sertarul cu obiecte speciale,
îmi promite
că o să împărțim iar ore, minute, clipe
greu de uitat.
eu, ea, rochia roșie, dresurile plasă…
și un bărbat.

dar mâine se apropie cu fiecare azi,
dragostea ta mi-a fost cușcă,
pereții
m-au strâns pân-am simțit
cum mă înstrăinez de mine
durerea
singurul ghid spre o ieșire
altfel de negândit.

e mâine deja, port rochia
preferată a marii mele iubiri,
fiecare
zâmbet, prilej de bucurie, nou început
e încă o înmormântare
a tot ce-ar fi putut să fie și…n-a fost.
libertatea mi-a venit prin curier,
contracost.

viitorul răspunde la întrebarea
Oare m-a uitat?
o face
ghiduș, flirtând pe sub gene, privindu-mă
lung cu aceiași ochi verzi pe care mi-i aminteam.
viitorul
e gata să se-ntâmple, să vină,
să mă prindă hotărât de mână în timp ce
alungă fantome veninoase cu un zâmbet
prin care i se preling raze calde de soare

The words that open doors

Photo by Annie Spratt

There are a lot of things going on, as the world as we used to know it fades away and our lives tend to be all over the place. It makes us feel bad about our journey so far, and become self-absorbed, very often in some toxic loops.

In times like these, extremely challenging for our mental well-being, the key to one’s soul is a simple phrase: What do you need right now?

There are six simple words, making a big statement. A common phrase, that doesn’t require you to have years of studying behind you or a specific social status to be successfully used. It requires a simple, yet efficient thing: to have a genuine interest for the other person.

We are forced into change. Changes that were not planned, that were not expected demand to be done. And this means that a lot of people struggle. They struggle with pain, anxiety, high-stress levels, and loss. They lose their jobs, homes, even loved people. It is a generally disturbing time, extended to a global scale. This can’t and won’t be easy to manage, and we can’t expect it to be.

This also means that the struggle can be made easier to go by. It only needs us to be kind. Kind with ourselves and with others around us.  In times of hardship, kindness becomes not a virtue, but a responsibility.

Of course, it takes courage and practice, as we’ve got so, so used to seeing other’s flaws and always have negative inner monologues. But this should change as well, if we want the damage made by a historical challenge to diminish. We can’t help people get back what they’ve lost, we can’t do this for ourselves either, but we can be the ones with kind words.

Today I won’t come and say that this or that should be different, or how to change things about yourselves. Today, instead, I come and tell you to get in the world and be kind.

Kindness has, unfairly and for too long, been mistaken for weakness. It’s not, and has never actually been. It is, somehow, a universal language, the key to any door, regardless of how guarded it would be. Kind people tend, because of their guarded doors, seem as strong too often and for too long. Today, this can do more harm than good, for their own mental health, to begin with.

Do you know those people that help everyone, and seem to have everything together all the time? Those people that walked with you on this path till you got where you are? The people that you keep saying that you’re so grateful to? Talk to them, and ask them that question. Then wait and see. Witness them blush, witness them getting shy, trying to put a reliable façade on, and, eventually, witness them telling you what’s missing from their bigger picture.

Because we all miss something and we all need something, but when you are so used to be the provider, it feels inappropriate to ask for things. Even if you offered support, been there for people when they’ve struggled, you feel like it’s an unnatural thing to do it yourself. Like that’s your job, to support and lift other people. How would you admit that you need, as well, to be lifted and supported? It is, by no means, an easy thing. But it is what one needs to remain able to keep going.

So go out there, and text or call the person that has always been there for you, the one that has already popped in your mind. Ask that person what it feels like it would make her journey easier, better.

The answer will rarely be materialistic. Instead, it will give you the chance to open a new door and see them blooming differently. And this will always be the kind of gift to remember, as our kindness and empathy remain, at the end of the day, signs of our adaptability. So let’s just try to be kinder, so we won’t turn bitter.